Starting nursery with an autistic child: settling in gently

For a young autistic child, nursery is the first big separation and the first big room full of noise. Short, predictable steps and the same goodbye every day are what make it work.

Use the settling sessions well

Most nurseries offer short visits with you there, then short visits without you. Take them all, and ask for more if you need them. Take photos of the room, the key worker and the garden for a little book to look at at home with the nursery story.

The same goodbye, every time

Pick one: a hug, a high five, ‘See you after snack’. Say it, go, don’t come back to check. The key worker will tell you how long the tears lasted, and it’s usually minutes. A picture strip in the bag showing ‘play, snack, garden, lunch, Mummy/Daddy’ tells your child that you come back.

Tell the key worker what works

Words you use for the toilet, drinks and feelings.
What your child does when overwhelmed, and what helps (a quiet corner, a blanket, ear defenders).
Foods they’ll eat, and the ones that will cause a problem.
Anything about sleep or nappies that matters.

The first weeks

Start with short days. Keep home quiet afterwards. Tiredness and clinginess for a few weeks are normal and are not a sign it’s the wrong place. If your child is still distressed for long periods after a month, ask for a meeting with the SENCo and look at what could change.

Make the free story first

Type your child’s name and get “Sam’s first day at nursery” as a picture story: one picture and one sentence a page, in their name. Read it a few times before the day, then take it with you. Print it, save it as a PDF, or read it in the Now & Next app with every routine as a story too.

Make the story (free) Open the app

Kits that go with this guide

Morning Routine kit (£3.99): A morning board, 15 picture cards and 3 blanks, Now and Next and First and Then.
Calm Down Corner Kit (£4.49): A Calm Corner sign, 8 calming posters, a feelings scale, a calm choices board and 18 cards.

Written by a dad to an autistic son with ADHD. This is everyday parenting advice, not medical or therapy advice. If you’re worried about your child, talk to your GP, health visitor or school SENCo.