A new baby and an autistic child: preparing the big brother or sister

A new baby changes the sounds, the sleep, the smells and who gets the attention, all at once and for good. The child who copes best is the one who knew what was coming and still has their own routine.

Start before the baby arrives

Read the new-baby story a few times in the last weeks. Look at photos of your child as a baby. Visit a friend with a baby if you can, so crying, feeding and ‘the baby is asleep, we are quiet’ have been seen once. Say plainly what babies do: cry, feed, sleep, and not much else at first.

Keep their routine exactly the same

Same bedtime, same order, same person where possible. If one parent does bedtime now, keep it that parent.
Put the picture schedule where your child can see it; ‘baby feed’ can go on it like any other step, with ‘then my story’ after it.
Nursery or school stays on. A week off to ‘be with the baby’ usually backfires.

The crying

Baby crying is a hard sound for a sensitive child, and it comes without warning. Ear defenders in the living room are fine. Agree a place your child can go when it’s loud (their room, the calm corner) and say that it’s allowed, not a punishment. Tell them the crying has a reason and an end: hungry, tired, then quiet.

A job, not a rival

Fetching a nappy, choosing the baby’s song, holding the bottle for a minute, turning the page in the bedtime story. Small, real jobs give the older child a place in the new picture. Praise the job, not ‘being a good big brother’, which is too vague to earn.

Ten minutes that are only theirs

Put it on the schedule: ten minutes a day with a parent and no baby, doing their thing. It is the cheapest, most reliable thing you can do, and it tells your child what words can’t.

Make the free story first

Type your child’s name and get “Sam and the new baby” as a picture story: one picture and one sentence a page, in their name. Read it a few times before the day, then take it with you. Print it, save it as a PDF, or read it in the Now & Next app with every routine as a story too.

Make the story (free) Open the app

Kits that go with this guide

First Times Story Pack (£3.49): 26 one-page picture stories for first times: school, the dentist, hospital, a plane, a new baby, Christmas and more.
Bedtime kit (£3.49): A bedtime board, picture cards and a going-to-bed visual story.
Calm Down Corner Kit (£4.49): A Calm Corner sign, 8 calming posters, a feelings scale, a calm choices board and 18 cards.

Written by a dad to an autistic son with ADHD. This is everyday parenting advice, not medical or therapy advice. If you’re worried about your child, talk to your GP, health visitor or school SENCo.